A win of Flukes
by Joey the Freaking Potterhead
Summary: What happens someone who believes themselves to be better, cleverer and handsomer than everyone else? Well Lockhart is bound to find out just how much of this is true when Lucius duels him. Just how will this end?
1. Arriving in style

Just before Dusk, Lucius Malfoy stood; awaiting the arrival of Gilderoy Lockhart, whom he had challenged to a duel after Lockhart's constant boasting of how apparently

better he was at the Dark Arts than Lucius ever could be. Dressed in a Japanese samurai-inspired ensemble in hope to make an impression on the onlookers, especially as

it allowed him to strip to the waist, enabling him to show off his perfectly honed torso, at the same time remembering to cover his dark mark with a rather fetching though

otherwise unnecessary leather armguard. Lucius of course wasn't too worried about this duel- Lockhart was all mouth and no trousers after all; this was true, if Lockhart

wasn't shagging his current girlfriend, Florence, he was boasting about how easy it would be for him to defeat Lucius in a duel just to impress people. If he wasn't

boasting about how easy it was to defeat Lucius then obviously he was shagging Florence.

Daniel Redchild, one of the onlookers stood in the shadows also waiting for the duel to begin, followed by Narcissa Black and a bunch of fifth year Slytherin girls who were

followed by Andromeda Black who instantly stood next to Daniel. Avery was the next to walk in, she seemed as though she were looking for someone familiar to her.

Florence Amendola, Gilderoy's girlfriend was next who found a chair and sat down to wait for the duel to begin after looking around for everyone apparently seeing who

was here.

Avery noticed Daniel and Andromeda (also known as Andy) and stood next to them, she whispered, "Hey, long time, no see" in Daniel's ear. Daniel, apparently having

nothing to say simply nodded in acknowledgement of her presence.

Avery waved a little in front of Daniel, "hey talk after this, yeah?" she said.

One thing that was noticed about Florence was that she looked awfully tired; this was realized by Daniel who looked at Avery and Florence and nodded to Avery. "Okay."

Andy apparently catching sight of Avery waved. Avery looked rather confused and piped up and asked, "So guys... what exactly is happening?"

Florence looked over to Avery, leant over slightly and said in a very sarcastic tone, "oh Lucius being the poonce he is, wanting to show off... with my boyfriend."

Right at the moment Avery asked this, Severus arrived and walked over to the Black sisters and smirked, "so looks like a good crowd to see Lucius wipe the Florence with

that popinjay then?"

Avery glared at Florence slightly then smiled, "Well this should be interesting; Lucius is very good at the Dark Arts."

Lucius upon hearing Avery's comment to Florence couldn't help himself but to comment, he smirked to himself and said to everyone assembled, "I'm waiting upon the

arrival of that upstart Lockhart... decided he needs showing his place... but it looks." He smirked again. "As though he's going to be late." He paused before adding "such

bad form."

Avery walked over to Lucius and smirked, "should be interesting... so when is this planned?" she asked.

Florence, naturally stood up for Lockhart, who had not yet made an appearance glared at Lucius, "remember who you're talking about, Malfoy." She scowled.

Avery looked at Florence, "you know just because you're biased, doesn't mean you're right." She said, with a sarcastic smile.

Florence rolled her eyes and looked at her nails, "whatever Harp..." was all she could say to this.

Avery shrugged, "just my opinion, hun."

Florence yawned slightly; she looked tireder by this time, "well I do hope he arrives soon..."

Just moments later, with much surprise Gilderoy strutted in and smirked at the crowd, feeling rather impressed that so many had come to apparently watch _him _defeat

Lucius. "So I see you're all ready then." He said, shooting Lucius an apparent death glare. "I'd be scared if I were you, Lucius... very scared." He grinned to himself and

took his position. "Sorry I'm late by the way; had a bit of a hold up." He added hoping no more questions would be asked of where he'd been.

Florence smiled at Gilderoy, rather relieved he'd finally arrived, "good luck my love."

"Thanks Flo." he said, "not that I'll need it." he muttered to himself so no one else could hear. He looked to Lucius, taking note of how he was dressed; he himself dressed

in denim blue jeans, and an unzipped studded leather jacket.

Florence stood next to Lockhart for support; she didn't show the worry she held deep inside for him, while Avery took one look at Lockhart and giggled slightly. Lockhart

looked at Avery and shook his head, flicked his wand out of his pocket and examined it, twirling it through his fingers, "come on baby; show us what you can do." He said

softly to it, before smirking and slipping it back into his pocket.

Avery who had noticed this looked at her Gilderoy weirdly, "hey Lockhart... you're going to need that wand... don't put it away."

Florence, although she supported Lockhart couldn't help but find the need to try not to laugh at Lockhart's display. Gilderoy smirked at Avery, not noticing Florence trying

to hide her giggles, "I know, I know, Avery... but the duel hasn't begun, has it?" he grinned. "More dramatic effect." he thought to himself.

Avery cocked an eyebrow at him, "Yeah but... what's the point?" she asked, with a rather amused expression on her face.

Even Florence couldn't stop herself from raising an eyebrow at Lockhart; apparently she knew what he was doing. She looked around to find Lucius but couldn't see him,

perhaps hidden in the crowd or exited the Duelling Room for a surprise attack on Lockhart, "now Luci has gone..." she sighed.

Lockhart smirked, "hence why I put my wand away." He chuckled and winked at Florence.

Lucius suddenly appeared from nowhere as it seemed, "I've gone nowhere, Florence." He said, as he glared at her, "Just preparing myself..." he turned to look at Lockhart

who looked rather proud and confident, "so Lockhart, think you are ready for this then?" he asked.

Avery smirked and walked to the further outskirts of the room. Lockhart looked at Lucius, "Oh Lucius... I know I am." He smirked.

"Very well then." Said Lucius coolly, "IF you have a second... they should stand ready." He looked at Daniel. "Daniel would you do me the honour?" he asked and turned

back to Lockhart. "So Lockhart" he paused to take one last looked at Lockhart, "take your place then... and we'll get to it!" Lucius said as he leapt up onto the platform.

He tossed his hair back and drew his wand from his cane and passed the cover to Redchild.

"Of course I have a second; I have a minute if you need it." Lockhart sneered as he hauled himself onto the platform with a bit of a grunt, he lay on his stomach for a split

second, just a few feet away from Lucius before crawling to his feet. He smoothed his hair down and drew his wand from his pocket. "Ready when you are." He said

confidently.

Lucius arched an eyebrow as far as it would allow him as he looked at Lockhart. "First, you uncouth fellow." he said to Lockhart, "it is customary to acknowledge ones

opponent, like so." He said as he made a short, stiff bow, his wand held, raised before him.


	2. Surprising or Expected

"Oh doing it the proper way are we?" Lockhart smirked as Lucius took his bow. "Well alright then." He said proudly as he took a bow, not as stiffly as expected; it

looked more like he'd just bowed after a performance, his wand held in front of him with a strong arm as though showing off his strength as he bent down low to the

ground and back up again.

Lucius looked at Lockhart disdainfully, turned on his heel and strode to his end of the platform, Lockhart took a small step then stopped himself, as though he was

about to follow Lucius then remembered they each have their ends. With one last glare at Lockhart, Lucius ostentatiously stripped his samurai jacket off and flung it

towards one of the girls in the crowd of onlookers, who caught it with a bit of a squeal. He struck a pose for added swag, raised his wand to eye level, his other arm

outstretched, giving a dramatic effect. "On the count of three." he said and started to count. "One... two..."

Lockhart noticed Avery smirked as the duel begun and sniggered at the random fifth year girl who caught Lucius's jacket. He smiled to himself then apparently

remembered where he was as he strutted off to his end of the platform. "Bit soon to take your jacket off, don't you think show-pony?" he muttered to himself. When he

reached the end of the platform, which took longer than it should have as he was strutting so slowly apparently giving Flo a good look at his swag, he whipped out his

wand and raised it to eye-level, apparently unintentionally copying Lucius; his other arm in a disarming position over his shoulder which made him look as though he

were about to pull a bow-and-arrow on the third count, which he stood waiting for, holding his pose, focused hard on his wand. He looked at Lucius and smirked,

apparently Lucius gave him the impression he had counted to three, because with a sudden movement of his wand, Lockhart yelled, "EXPELLIARMUS!" he watched as a

jet of sparks flew towards Lucius.

Avery rolled her eyes and muttered, "First Year spells..."

Almost lazily, Lucius flicked his wand to the side as if swatting a fly away. "Protego!" he called just as lazily as his wand movement had been; stopping the spell coming

at him, he swished his wand and pointed it toward Lockhart. "Fillipendo!" he called shooting a streak of purple light toward Lockhart.

Lockhart's eyes widened upon witnessing the spell being blocked. For a moment or two, Lucius thought Lockhart was about to run off the platform as the purple beam

of light inched towards him. Lockhart, upon hearing the 'Protego' spell, decided to attempt it; besides it couldn't do any more harm than what was about to face him

now could it? He flicked his wand and bellowed, "Protego!" a rage of yellow and pink sparks flew from his wand, as though he'd just transfigured his own wand into

some sort of sparkler. What seemed to be something of slow-motion, it was as though someone had sped things up; "Oh shit." He muttered to himself as he saw a

flash of purple fly towards him.

The purple beam hit Lockhart; at the same time it hit him, he felt himself being thrown backwards. He flailed his arms as he was thrown

to the end of the platform, "whoa!" he cried then a THUD was to be heard from the crowd and Lucius as he hit the floor. He leapt up a little wobbly, shook his head

gently and positioned himself. He flicked his wand once more in hope the sparks coming from his wand did something.

A moment before Lucius could cast his second "Protego" a random amount of sparks hit him, although leaving his once smooth, shiny shoulder length blonde hair a

rather fetching candy striped effect of pink and yellow. No one in the crowd could contain their giggles, Lockhart of course was doubled over in a fit of laughter, unable

to stop himself; the only one who wasn't impressed, but rather irritated by this of course was Lucius. Lockhart took a camera out of his pocket; apparently he carried it

with him so if there was ever a photo moment for him he could take a shot of himself to pin on his wall. Once he'd controlled himself and took a snapshot of his great

winnings of Lucius's hair. Once Lockhart had taken the picture, whether known by Lucius or not, he stuffed the camera back in his pocket, stripped the jacket off and

threw it to Flo who caught it with ease and put in on, apparently feeling a bit cold. She rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair to watch the rest of the duel. Lucius

made a dramatic flourish around his head, "Restauro." He said; his hair returned to the shiny blonde it had been when they'd first started the duel. He glared at

Lockhart once his hair restored itself. "Oh, trying to make me look stupid eh?" he snapped, "well, try this for a little entertainment!" He snapped again as he flung as

bolt of white lightning at Lockhart, and said with a flick of his wand, "Tarantallegra."

Gilderoy looked at Lucius, somewhat cheeky; somewhat serious, "it _was _entertaining and I have to admit, you did look pretty stupid." he sniggered for a moment,

before he realized he found himself unable to stop dancing. He tap-danced across the platform watching his feet move rather quickly and unstoppable. "At least I can

dance!" he grinned and attempted to aim his wand at Lucius which was a bit of a mission, seeing he couldn't stop himself from moving. He took a few minutes to think

up another spell as he danced across the platform. He remembered one he had heard someone say a while back and decided to try it, although he had no idea exactly

what they did, he aimed his wand at Lucius, his tapping feet beginning to slow down, "conjucto'devitis!" a puff of smoke seeped through the tip of his wand and into

the air. He watched amazed as it took form of a blue elephant, also somewhat disappointment upon realizing it probably wouldn't do anything special, though he didn't

show his disappointment. He remained hopeful it would do something to disarm Lucius so he'd win the duel fair and square.

Lucius sniggered at the blue elephant, "was that supposed to be frightening, Lockhart?" he asked, "...if so, it's not working." he sneered matter-of-factly. "Try this." He

added as he raised his wand towards the blue elephant, "Flagrate" he said. Gilderoy watched in hidden horror as the once-blue elephant took form of a flaming

elephant.

Lucius flicked his wand once again, this time Gilderoy was no doubt about to run off the platform, the flaming elephant careered towards Gilderoy, bellowing

and showering sparks at him.


	3. Playtime ends

Lockhart laughed sarcastically when Lucius asked if it was to frighten him; though Lockhart had hoped it would do something scary, he also knew deep within he was

failing but he couldn't admit that could he? "I hoped it would confuse you. Who would be scared of a cloud of blue elephant?" Lockhart's laugh turned into a wide-eyed

stare of what anyone but Lockhart would call fear. The flaming elephant was hot on his sweet sexy arse. Before he had any time to react he was showered in bright

orange-yellow sparks, it would have seemed to anyone he was on fire, especially Lockhart as he dove to the ground and rolled like a lunatic, "it burns, it burns..." he

muttered, before realizing that they hadn't actually hurt him at all. He leapt to his feet. "Dramatic effect Lucius." He said with a wink, before muttering to himself, "I should

have known they weren't going to burn..." he chuckled to himself and stepped a few paces backwards, did a bit of a run-up whilst thinking of a spell to use; he leapt a

little right at the end of his run-up, his wand outstretched dramatically in front of him aimed at Lucius. "TARANTULA!" he yelled. A few gasps from some girls in the crowd of

onlookers filled the room, only to die down with the shaking of their heads.

Lucius looked at Lockhart's antics incredulously, an eyebrow cocked in disdain as he yelled "Tarantula." For a moment or two it seemed as though he wondered if it

actually was a spell. Apparently he must have realized it wasn't as he put a hand to his hip and laughed, "Oh very good!" he said sarcastically. "Invisible spider was it?"

he paused, Lockhart wondered whether he should respond or not, however Lucius spoke again. "Hmm... well I think I'll give you something more corporeal." He said and

swished his wand in a figure of eight. "Serpensortia Multiplicia!" he said and eight rather large snakes issued from his wand and slithered quickly towards Lockhart, hissing

viciously. As he watched the snakes slither towards Lockhart, as an aside to the audience who were also watching the snakes, some impressed others wide-eyed or

open-mouthed, Lucius said, "I'd hoped..." he paused for a second as another snake hissed, "for a serious duel... but it would hardly be sporting to go all out with this

great buffoon." He said referring to Lockhart. "So... I'll play with him for a little." He paused again; he had Lockhart's full attention although he was still backing away from

the snakes, apparently waiting for another spell to come to mind. "...until I get bored." He added with a smirk. Lockhart didn't look one bit troubled; apparently his theory

was that Lucius will never get bored duelling him because he is good at duelling back. He had stayed _this _far after all...

"Well it worked on them!" Lockhart sniggered, as he pointed to the girls who had turned around at his Tarantula spell. "Yes Lucius, it was a spell indeed; there should be

a..." he paused as he had to jump backwards as a snake had just taken a strike at him, he was lucky it missed him by inches. "As I was saying." he continued. "There

should be an invisible spider lurking around here somewhere. He looked down at the snakes, "oh Merlin... save my sexy arse please?" he muttered as they slithered in

closer to him, he was already nearly at the end of the platform as it was. He thought for a moment of another spell to use on the snakes, "this _is _a serious duel, Lucius; it

seems you're backing out?" he grinned and raised his wand, "A Latte Ascending Dare!" he called and sparks flew from the tip of his wand, stirring the snakes up as they

seemed to be afraid to come near it; apparently this angered them and apparently they weren't the only ones who wanted to finish Gilderoy off with what Lucius had said

to him just before. He flicked his wand slightly and smoke started to rise from the tip along with the golden sparks, "that wasn't s'posed to happen." Lockhart muttered as

he watched the smoke take form into a, judging by the steam coming out of the white mug, with what looked like coffee inside; mug of coffee. "This wasn't expected." He

muttered again. He felt somewhat relieved however that the snakes were backing away from him due to the golden sparks still spitting out of his wand, the coffee mug

just seemed to confuse them; even they didn't recognise this as Defensive magic by the looks of things. As much relief Lockhart felt; he also couldn't help the niggling

pang in his stomach that told him he'd used to the wrong spell. Still he managed to keep his brave face as though it was the right spell he'd planned to use the whole time.

Lucius rolled his eyes upon seeing the spell Lockhart had just cast, "Need a coffee break do we?" he laughed. "Very well, enough of this." He said and pointed his wand at

the snakes, "Evenesco!" he said and the snakes disintegrated. "Now... let's get a little more serious." he added and flicked his wand once more this time at the git in front

of him, "Fillipendo!"

Lockhart chuckled at this, "coffee break? Yeah sure." He said, taking everything seriously as always. He was just about to slip his wand back into his pocket when he saw

the spell inching towards him, "oh crap!" he said under his breath, as it hit him before he had time to react, he flew backwards once again, landing himself flat on his back.

"Errgghh." He groaned as he slowly rolled himself over onto his stomach and picked himself up, a little wobbly, he steadied himself. "Well Lucius, you really are quite the

knockout aren't you?" he said and laughed harder than anyone else in the room did and harder than he should have at his own joke, especially when no one even

laughed. When he finally pulled himself together after a couple of minutes of laughter, he smirked at Lucius as he remembered hearing of a spell that caused bandages to

fly at one's opponent. "This could work either way; Lucius in bandages because of my great victory or it could limit his wand use." He thought to himself and sniggered

picturing Lucius wrapped in bandages. He pointed his wand at Lucius, focused harder than he had although the duel, "FURSULA!" he shouted and watched as a jet of light

shot through the tip of his wand and created a giant bubble over Lucius, that then combusted into dust, fluff and all sorts of other fluffy materials of the sort.

Lucius watched Lockhart in utter disbelief. "What a clown." He thought to himself. Apparently he was unable to recognise this spell, as he apparently had no idea when to

react. The bubble burst over him, causing him a coughing and sneezing fit as he tried to clear away the dust with his hand. Lockhart stood rather amused of how much

Lucius now resembled someone who'd just had a vacuum cleaner bag tipped over them. "Ugh..." he coughed, "this is..." he coughed again. "Gross!" he sneezed and

coughed some more. He swished his wand, "Scourify!" he said swishing his wand around. "Evenesco!" he said, until the bubble and the dust vanished. Once it had gone,

he looked rather enraged. "Right!" he snapped. "Playtime over!" he snarled at Lockhart, who obviously found it amusing enough to snigger at him until Lucius struck a

pose and swept his wand behind him then flicked it as though he were cracking a whip at Lockhart, "Incarcerous!" the moment he said this, a flash of orange light shot

out at Lockhart along with what looked like vines, it was then realized to Lockhart these were in fact ropes, no sooner had they shot at him; they begun to attempt to

wind around him.


	4. A Stinking Win

Lockhart, doubled over with laughing at the sight of Lucius dealing with the dust bubble, "I warned you!" he sniggered, suddenly falling silent as the dust bubble

vanished. "How did he do that?" he asked himself. "Playtime?" he said to Lucius. "Who said it was playtime?" he pulled a grin which was cut short as he saw the ropes

inching towards him, his eyes widened at the same time his mouth dropped; he wondered how we was going to escape this one. He wracked his mind as the ropes

drew closer to him, ready to wrap themselves around him more than they already were; one had already started at one of his feet. He thought hard and fast and

flicked out his wand at the first one he thought of. "EXPLOSIVE-ARMY-MOUSE!" he yelled, apparently meaning "Expelliarmus." He watched on as a heap of sparks and a

cloudy puff floated and sparked towards Lucius, exploding into something that could only be described as a raincloud that showered one's opponent with millions of live

mice. Lockhart, though bounded up, looked rather impressed by this, "Really Lucius? _Really?_" he grinned.

Lucius's satisfied expression as he watched the ropes bind Lockhart up, should have shown Lockhart how little Lucius really did think of him, however it hadn't; Lockhart

simply looked rather impressed with himself as he watched not only the cloud of mice come towards him but also the satisfaction on his face, which told the thick-

minded Lockhart, Lucius was impressed with the spell _he _had just cast. Before Lucius could stop himself, he shrieked, "Eeeaahhhh." Completely caught unaware as he

was too busy watching Lockhart. Apparently Lockhart had done the right thing by setting mice onto Lucius, as he showed nothing but signs of hating them. Lockhart

laughed hard as he watched the mice tangle in Lucius's hair, ran down his robes; he thrashed about wildly in attempt to get them off, obviously losing the last bit of

cool he had left, he raised his wand "Volate Ascendare Mures... ugh!" he said as all the mice rose up and hovered in an ominous squeaking cloud above him. He whirled

his wand at the cloud, causing it to spin, with a flick of his wand he said, "Depulso Descendo" the cloud of mouse was now rapidly heading towards Lockhart, who was

_still _laughing hard at Lucius's reaction to the mice like a madman on crack or something.

"Thought you were braver than that, Lucius!" he sneered. He looked up at the cloud of mice coming towards him, there wasn't going to be much time to react at all; his

eyes widened as he thought about the effects they could have on his hair; the good thing was he was no longer unbound, apparently distracting Lucius with the mice

broke the spell of the ropes. With quick thinking he decided it best to use the spell Lucius used on him back. Realizing he was completely untied came as a bit of a

surprise to him. He grinned, feeling rather successful of his work, snapped back, raised his wand, and yelled, "Repulso Accenddeoreo!" he thought he broke his wand

when he heard a slight snap from his wand, however when he looked at the cloud of mice he realized he had done some sort of magic. He grinned at Lucius and

watched as the cloud of mice turned from grey to a shade of bright emerald green. Lockhart sniggered to himself as it floated towards Lucius, emitting the foulest

stench anyone in the room could think of- if not, fouler. Lockhart sniggered again as mounds of what seemed to be muggle Oreos fell from the cloud, bursting into a

brownish-green cloud of foul-smelling gas over Lucius. Lockhart sniggered, his thumb and forefinger held his nose as he watched on, unable to hide his audible

laughter.

Lucius flailed everywhere unable to handle the stench. The crowd fled the Duelling Room, Lockhart stood there, his nose still held as he watched Lucius flail over the

cloud- the stench of the cloud was unbearable as more Oreos dropped down on Lucius and exploded into more gas. He could not believe the effect he had caused, yet

he was rather proud of himself; he didn't want anyone to know it was by accident of course he had created this gas cloud. With one last cough and splutter from Lucius,

the cloud combusted into a fouler stench than the last; Lucius knew it was now time to flee the room just as the onlookers had done, there was no point staying when

there was no one to watch the finale of the duel. With that Lucius leapt off the platform, hurried towards the door, opened it and ran out, his nose covered just as

Lockhart's was.

Lockhart was too proud of himself to run out of the Duelling Room, cursing audibly as Lucius bolted up to the Slytherin Common Room. Lockhart knew he'd won fair and

square; he ran up to the Ravenclaw Common Room, grabbed a spare change of robes, hit the spas, ran back to the common room, raked a comb through his now

perfectly clean hair, making sure others in the room didn't notice, once he'd finished he told of the happenings to those who didn't see once he'd finished perfecting his

hair, of course telling them he hadn't even ruffled his hair up, not even the slightest bit.

His next lesson; he strutted in through the door and beamed, "You won't believe what just happened a few minutes ago!" he grinned.


End file.
